So Your Work-Best-Friend Got a New Job

So, your work-best-friend got a new job. They’re now moving on to the next steps of their career, and you’re a little bit at a loss of what to do. Who will you roll your eyes at when something ridiculous happens? Who else in your office can share your Parks and Recreation and The Office references? No other coworker enjoys blaring Justin Bieber on a regular basis, and consistently playing Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” every Friday. WHO ELSE WILL BRING YOU BAKED GOODS MADE WITH MAGIC AND LOVE BY THEIR WIFE?

Well, I can tell you that the process of grieving for your favorite coworker is different than the traditional five stages of grief. Normally you would experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. But since I am in the process of losing my office-mate and 4-year-long coworker, I can tell you what it’s like...

01. Shock

If you’re lucky, like me, your friend will tell you before it’s officially announced at the company. Your initial reaction will probably contain a few expletives. Keep them to yourself.

You might sit down and stare at the text message, making sure you read it right. And re-read it a few more times, just to make sure. You’ll go to dinner with your significant other that night, order a drink, and halfway through it joke about moving to Los Angeles (except you’re SO not an LA girl...)

02. Pretending

You’ll probably check your calendar and make sure it’s not April Fools’ Day, or maybe a relatively

unknown holiday, like, National Prank Day, or International Mean Joke Day. You never know, that could be a thing! (Is it a thing? We should make it a thing…)

After Googling for lesser-known holidays and making sure you’re not just having a nightmare, you’ll dig real deep into your soul, grit your teeth, and tell the biggest lie you’ve ever told:

I’m so happy you’ve found the next step in your career!

03. Sass

You’ll make jokes and come up with witty things to say like,

I hope your new coworkers suck and you hate it.

But really what you mean is “I hope whoever they hire to fill your role doesn’t suck, because that would ruin everything.” You don’t mean “replace” because clearly no one could ever replace him.

Your soon-to-be-ex-coworker will show you his list of things to get done before his last day and you’ll joke about adding more and more on there so he can never leave.

You’ll jokingly tell him

One thing I won’t miss when you’re gone is all the double spaces you put after a period!

But what you mean is “I’ll miss having you edit all my articles and messaging. That double space

really isn’t THAT bad.”

Another coworker will send out a calendar invite for his send-off party, you’ll decline the invite, but you know you’ll show up.

The homemade cookies he brought you to soften the blow when his departure is officially announced to the company will sit on your desk. You’ll wonder if it’s too petty to throw them in the trash and leave the trash bin where he’ll see – it is. Don’t do it. You know those cookies are going to be delicious.

When your boss sends out the memo announcing his departure, you’ll reply (only to your friend) with a bunch of sad memes, that will make him laugh and cry a little bit.

This is clearly the longest stage, but since they know you so well, they’d expect nothing less from you.

04. Sadness

You’ll think about ways to commemorate your work-friendship. Should you buy him the Stomp the Yard DVD? Should you go back to the pretending stage and ignore when his last day is?

As he starts to clear out his desk and office, you’ll get sentimental when you realize his office plant that you once decorated with Christmas ornaments is gone.

You’ll binge eat the cookies he brought, and be glad you didn’t trash them out of spite. And as you eat the cookies, you’ll wonder how could your company ever replace him? No one will ever be as good at making lists, editing your writing, and singing along to “Ice Ice Baby”

When you start season 7 of Parks and Rereation, and the opening episode is titled “2017” you’ll notice that they predicted the Cubs winning the world series, and that Ron and Leslie no longer are coworkers. You’ll definitely send your almost-ex-coworker-but-still-friend a snapchat of this, exclaiming that the writers clearly predicted he’d leave your shared company, too.

Don’t dwell in this stage too long. It’ll be okay.

05. Realization

Finally, you’ll realize you don’t have anything to be sad over. Your work-bestie isn’t dead; he’ll just be sitting at a different desk, in a different building, in a different city. And while it does suck, at least the city he’ll be in is on the way when you drive home. And isn’t that what Happy Hour was made for?

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I’m not good at goodbyes. I haven’t decided if I’ll trick him into reading this by asking him to edit one last document, or if I’ll leave it in an envelope with his name on it at the office door. The latter is probably the better option, that way I can continue pretending to be a mature adult who totally didn’t cry at the series finale of The Office, and definitely wouldn’t cry if I watched him read this, too.

Four years ago (2013), when I walked into the office for my interview I was fresh out of college, and thought I knew more than I did. I’ve been pretty good at faking my way through a lot of things, good enough to still be working here in an executive role, I guess. But so much of what I learned came from working with my work-best-friend. So thank you for all that you taught me, for re-writing my emails countless times to get the wording just right, and for bringing me back to reality when my ideas start spiraling too big.

I hope your new job has an elevator for after leg day, I hope your coworkers appreciate the dab as much as you, and I truly hope your new boss has a love for asking you to create documents.

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

-Albus Dumbledore,

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows